MIssing You!

Pillow wet with tears
Heart filled with fears
Fear of darkness
Fear of loneliness
Turning back, I don't find you
But memories keep haunting
Of your smile, words, voice

And I know, I miss you.
Its not physical,
Its not emotional,
But a feeling of emptiness,
Of having lost a part of me;
Searching for it all the time,
Searching for it in all the dime;
When I know very well,
It is with you bewell.

I know there will be no tears
I know there will be no fears
No fear of darkness
No fear of loneliness

When

You are with me!

Cast Away

Not sure how the title sounds, but thats exactly how I feel - Cast Away.
When the going gets tough, we need to look at the brighter side. But when all the sides are dark and you don't have a torch to rely on; ven your eyesight will deceive you! You might not see what they show, and they might end up watching what you don't want them to!

I have never had this feeling of being a 'loser'; but it haunts me way too often nowadays!

My name doesnt hold anything.
My emotions don't mean anything.
My self-respect is hardly a thing of concern!
But to find fault everyone is ready! Always with hands up!

What is it about always giving, always changing and never find time for a breather? Of course, there are promises to keep, but why is it always me on the receieving as well as the changing end? People are never tired of asking and getting what they asked for. But when it comes to giving, its only me! And I find no one around. Not even my blood, leave alone my garment.

But flowers have bloomed today also,
the rain has showered today as well.
Nothing stopped.
Nothing changed.
Nobody lost anything, but me!
For I lost my PEACE OF MIND!

Conflicting emotions.....

Life seems soo good, it has the best it has to offer. But yes, you do not get anything easily though! Life’s just not a bed of roses! It offers all what you want, but definitely not in a golden platter! Yes, treasuring the pearl depends on the struggle to acquire it.
I could want everything under the sun, but God gives me only what I can handle.
Yes, God has complimented me a lot, with emotions I could not overcome. But yes, I was able to live with them, with just a pat on my back! Just like every other fish that finds its own net, every person makes the situation in one’s life!!

When you see the clouds falling in line,
What can you do to stop the storm?
Neither does it make the sea less saline,
Nor does it make life saner!

Adjustments and sacrifices ought to be made,
But, adjustments that crush your emotions!!
Dreamzz and ambitions,
How about making them true???

Two roads diverged in a black wood,
And I don’t know why, I did not travel both!


Sorry if it is sloppy…..just simply shows…conflicting emotions!!!

A thousand years....

A perfect morning, with just the warm sun… was all set to start a fresh day at work; I knew I had a busy one ahead.
Opened my emulator with this always forgotten password of mine…started my day just as usual… with my headphones on for music! And all set to start work!
My playlist as always….started with Glenn Medeiros’ Nothings gonna change my love….’,just a bit more intrigued than usual… I randomized the playlist.

The next song that played was also one of my favorites – ‘A thousand years’ by Sting. A song so full of love!

‘A thousand years, a thousand more,
A thousand times a million doors to eternity
I may have lived a thousand lives, a thousand times
An endless turning stairway climbs
To a tower of souls
If it takes another thousand years, a thousand wars,
The towers rise to numberless floors in space
I could shed another million tears, a million breaths,
A million names but only one truth to face…’

A song so desperately in love!....
Just then it struck!!! I too had written something about ‘a thousand years’…. Now this got me thinking hard. I had written this, sure less than a thousand years back! But it kind of eluded my memory!

I had almost forgotten I could do a bit of inditing as well! Now was that a surprise??

Din’t know my memory was so bad at remembering my own creation…. I could remember it starts something like ‘ A thousand years from now…’
But just cudnt get beyond that…. Gosh, was I so bad with words????

Finally thunder struck after more than half hour of backtracking!!….and this is how it goes –

‘A thousand years from now...
When I have changed to dust and rain...
I hear you whisper low...
I but will stir again!’

Now, I don remember the last time I had written something like that. I even doubt I had written that now!!
If you ask me now, I would probably be spell bound! Out of words!!! You need to think differently to even put those words together!
I thought people go mature as they grow older…. but am I taking my steps backward?

People can grow up….but can they change??? Well if I could, then the entire world can!

I really don’t know; hope I am still the same! Respecting people and emotions!!

Just retrospecting …
I liked this a lot when I wrote it – ‘In the cries of the blood even the knife feels to forgive’.

And jus remembered one more - 'A touch to reality diminishes the beauty of dreams.'

Aint I?

Am I a hard stone? Don't I respect emotions?
I have found more than five people telling me that.... all of 'em can't be making up stories!!

But I do feel happy for my loved ones....... and have never hesitated to express that!
I still do get tears, when I see people's eyes red. But yes, whom I laugh for and whom I shed tears for does matter, doesn't it? Never waste a tear on something not worth it...

Aren't these signs of emoting? Aren't these signs of me being NORMAL!!! I still don't understand what people mean by normal.

As far as I know every human is termed normal unless you are a psychopath or an autistic!
I am normal for Godsake! I accept there is psycho in every human, just the amout of psyche decides if you are a psychopath or not! I definitely aint one. Actually took up a personality test in the net to even confirm that! ;-)

Just that when I look at others emoting, (some kinda people mind u! not all of 'em) I find it too ....what do I call it...filmi?!!? You could express more mature right?

Just quoting, no hard feelings -

It was one of my friends birthday. And as usual din strike until a reminder mail! Thanks to these fundu groups, you do get saved from a hell lot of 'I HATE U''s.

I just pinged her to wish her on her day.......... hearing me on one end..... she was like 'Fats...you ok?.... you in love?...... thirinthittiyaah?.....how come on my birthday?'

Man, I just called her on her birthday! Yeah.... lucky enough to have friends who actually love u for what you are! And not what they want you to be .......
"We'll never be able to place a price tag on any individual until you actually loose them physically." - Quoted from a friend!

Anyways, back to my friends niche...when I put the phone down, I did tell her 'it was the reminder mail that saved me... you jus know me too well to remember a birthday!'

Now I was just being honest and myself with my friend! She just knows me too well for this... But I found a few people telling me that I should not have told her about the reminder....That would have hurt her... but that is playing around with her emotions! When she actually comes to know my call was because of a reminder, wouldn't she be even more hurt?

Dont know?..... Still guessing....aint I????

Surprise....

When the things you least expect in life happen in the most beautiful way, wat more than to cherish them life long.....

Just wished my friend with a belated birthday gift! I was rude enough to call him to my desk and gift him that. And so cute of him, he did not know how to react! Looking back, he wasn't blushing, he seemed lost with words, but yes he was elated.

He said 'thanks' a million times and shook my hands a hundred times! He practically din know how to react! He opened it, careful not to tear the wrapper, saw the corporate mug and said 'Something that I had always wanted'. Now, would not something like that make your day?
Well it definitely made mine.

He just took the gift and walked backed to his place.

But the best part was ......

He went to his desk and called me back again! He said 'Fatty, thanks again. I was just keeping it on my desk. Its very nice, thank you!'.

That was so very sweet. Yes, the best moments in life are the least expected. Now, I was at a loss of words. All I could say was 'anytime'!

I mean, all I did was give him a birhday present. Thats all! It just brought out the best in him.
He seemed genuinely touched!

He is one guy, very soft at heart, but hates to accept that he is..... just the farce of being macho!
Man... all of them are the same! I am not trying to be rhetoric mind you!

Simply reminds me....all my friends are soooo special!!!!!!!!!!!

What motivates you...

Motivation, what is it?

As all books quote, ‘it paves the way to success’.
When I say success it just does not talk about professional life. You need to be motivated in every walk of life.

I strongly believe to even smile at someone with a ‘Good Morning’ you need to be motivated.

It all boils down to goal setting. I remember a saying that goes – ‘Make a list of everything you want now, and then plan on spending the next twenty-five years of your life getting it, slowly, piece by piece.’

Though this just simply puts forth the importance of long term goals, short term goals play an inevitable role in our success. And talking about short term goals, it goes down to something as small as saying ‘Hi’ to the first person with whom you make an eye contact! It simply does wonders.

For instance, I was getting back home after a hard day’s work, totally drained, grumbling with hunger and what more than being caught in the traffic. I was cursing my stars when this probably 2 year old kid in the car near by started waving at me. Almost involuntarily, when I waved back, he just started throwing flying kisses at me! Believe me I just couldn’t stop smiling. And I had suddenly forgotten I was drained, hungry and ready to kill anyone who pressed my hot buttons!
And miraculously, and almost in no time was I home! I am not coming to say the kid was the reason the traffic cleared and I reached home. Simply trying to say that I was motivated by that kid’s smile! His positive vibes attracted me; simply saying ‘life’s like that but I aint gonna stop loving you’.

As Mr. Adi Godrej, Chairman of the Godrej Group, had so humbly accepted, ‘he’s learning a lot from his grandchild’, children have the best kind of motivation ever!
This is just a 5 year old observation; I might be on the wrong side as well!

Its not just children, I think I was open minded enough realize anyone younger than me was motivated enough to infuse their positive vibes into me. I realized I was a hard-stone from an 11th standard kid. I understood smile is the most infectious disease you could spread and continue to be infected from a 1 year old nephew! I realized remembering what you did that morning is almost impossible when you are hungry from an 8 year old brat!

Now getting to where we started, goal setting gets you back on track, and yes it involves a lot of self analysis. We need to get down to the ground basics of what you want in life, what you have achieved, what made you achieve…

Basically getting down to knowing the driving force that molded you into what you are today! I am sure there is intelligence, attitude, skills, talent and what not. But to realize you’ve got all these you need to be motivated.

Well talking about being motivated, how would you know you are?
Well motivation in my eyes is just a feeling, an inner voice always saying ‘Go ahead, life’s like that’!
They say God worked like a locksmith; a locksmith never makes a lock without a key, God never gives us problems without solutions!

Motivation is just realizing you need to find the right key, however big the lock is!